I can’t do it all.
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I can’t do it all.
I want to, but I find myself failing. In my quest to be a good wife, good mother and good at my job, I find myself faltering at
every
single
one.
Trying to live up to the expectations that I set for myself and that others have set for me have made me miserable at times. And while it hurts to get turned down through work or when I see myself not having enough patience with my kids, the worst is when my husband comes down on me.
We have a pretty strong marriage and after almost 11 years I’m happy to say that I’m still married to him. Most of the time I’m very content to be where I’m at. I’m happy with him, my kids and my blogs.
But nothing is more of a punch to the gut when the things I do aren’t good enough. When I’m trying hard but trying hard isn’t good enough.
We don’t argue about money.
We argue about cleaning. About clutter. About organization.
Mainly that I’m lacking in each one.
My house is rarely “dirty” but is typically cluttered. Cluttered with things we have received for review. Boxes that pile up. Things that don’t have place. Too many toys, clothes the kids have outgrown. (And if you are wondering if our house belongs on an episode of hoarders, no.)
I want to donate, organize, sell stuff at consignment.
I dream of a system where everything is beautiful organized in storage bins and everything has a place.
But all of those things take time.
Time I usually don’t feel I have.
And I don’t think I’m gifted at thinking that way.
And so is vicious circle.
Unfortunately all these failures get put onto me, even though we all contribute to the clutter, the mess, the lack of organization. It seems that a woman, a wife, is automatically supposed to be successful at all of these things.
To constantly be moving, multi-tasking, always on top of everything.
But I’m not.
And I don’t know how to be.
I’d say I could bring in a maid, only I’d feel like I’d need to get organized first.
Sigh.
What is easy for some isn’t easy for all. I can cook. I can bake. I can be a good mother to my boys and spend time with them, listen to them, cuddle them.
But I am not good at being organized.
Should I feel bad for working from home at a time when I’ve always had at least one kid in the house with me and my time is limited? Where I’m forced to work in the early morning, at naps and late at night? When I give up a lot of my free time to build something because I enjoy it and because it brings income to my family? (Income that allows us to live more comfortably instead of just scraping by and feeling extra stressed.)
Should I feel like less of a person?
Should I feel like because I lack in one area, all those other areas don’t count?
That because my house isn’t perfect, I’m not a good mom?
A good wife?
A good person?
I don’t know what the answer is. And so I keep going along. Feeling bad for being not everything my husband had hoped I’d be and knowing that despite this,
I am a good mom.
I am a good wife.
I am a good person.
And I hope that is enough.
I’ve never been able to “do it all” but some day are definitely better than others.
It’s hard to be organized with kids. I’ll be cleaning one room and they’ll be destroying another. It’s such a cycle.
I feel this way ALOT! I question weither I am good at anything or if people are satisfied in me. I have to keep telling myself that I AM a good person and I am doing a good job. Please keep telling yourself that too.
Somewhere along the line we must stop and take count of what we can and cannot do. Sometimes it is as simple as saying NO other times it is not as easy but for our mental health we must take care of ourselves.
Like you said, you can’t do it all. I don’t even have kids yet and I’ve realized this. There is so much I want to do and need to do, and not enough time for it all. So that means at any one time one area is slipping. That’s just life.
Perhaps you and your husband could sit down and discuss all your different roles and responsibilities, and all of his, and he may better understand all the things you are balancing. Maybe he would relax a bit about things? You could also consider hiring someone – not to clean, but a teenager to watch the kids for you so that you have a BLOCK of time to get something done, not just minutes here and there.
Emilie: I am reading this post and it’s like you are telling a story about my life. I can relate to pretty much every point you just raised. Sometimes it make you wonder what is considered enough. The 9 good things you do is never noticed or appreciated but if you the one thing you did halfway is like you committed the mommy crime!1
Thanks for a beautiful article that moms can relate.
Im not good at being organized either and I want to be so badly. we all do the best we can and that is enough! being a great mom goes a lot further than having a tidy house
I was just reading your post and I could identify with you – I am like you, not dirty, clutter. Where does the clutter come from, it seems to grow as an infestation…I realize I cannot do it all. I work full time, I am a caregiver to my elderly mother and I was recently widowed so everything falls on my shoulders…We need to breathe deep and relax.
Motherhood is the lowest paying job and the highest paying job ~ it has the lowest rewards and the highest rewards ~ it’s the hardest of all jobs yet the most natural ~ all seasons come and go, the best we can do is grow in them. I’ve totally been through the same type thought cycle, many, many times ~ some of those times we interpret what our spouse is saying as the thoughts that we’ve been saying to ourselves.