What Has Happened to Marriage?
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Last night before bed, Lucian asked me an interesting question.
Lucian: Mom, can dogs get married?
Me: No, Lucian. Dogs can’t get married, only humans can.
Lucian: But they can have babies so why can’t they get married?
Me: Hmm…well, getting married is a ceremony in which you make a commitment to be with another person forever. Dogs can’t talk so they can’t get married.
Lucian: Oh.
I caught myself cutting off the word forever. Did I envision myself getting married and staying married to my husband until death parts us? Yes, I did. But I stopped myself from making that part of my definition of marriage to my son only because so many people get divorced. Forever doesn’t mean forever if you can simply sign a piece of paper that says I changed my mind. I no longer want to be with my spouse.
As I tucked Lucian in and turned off his light, I found myself needing affirmation that my husband still felt the same way. Does he still want to be married to me, like I want to be married to him? So I shared my conversation with our son and asked him straight out. “Do you still want our marriage to be forever?” And he replied how I deep down knew he would. “Yes, of course! You do too, right?” And even though I would say we have a good relationship, it felt good to hear that after almost nine years of marriage.
All day today these thoughts of marriage have been nagging at me. My sister just went through a rather messy divorce after 13 years of marriage. Two of my brother-in-laws have been divorced (one twice) and have had struggles with custody of children and plenty of drama with their ex wives. And while my parents have remained happily married, it seems that they are no longer the norm. Are we beyond saving marriages?
So what has really happened? Is it that more and more people are less likely to try and stay to work things out because getting divorced no longer has the same social stigma that it once had? Perhaps we are more selfish or unwilling to stay in a miserable marriage. Many woman are unwilling to stay now that they are less dependent upon a man.
There are plenty of ways to try and work things out with marriage counseling, using online or local professionals or within your church. But it seems more and more that step is skipped.
Do I have some fabulous marriage advice? Not really. The only thing I can say is that we have very similar views and really enjoy spending time together. We didn’t rush into getting married and took our timing getting to know one another before making that commitment. And I really believe that actually liking each other is the only thing that will keep you together when the newness wears off and life, especially life with kids, is thrown at you.
If you have your own wisdom on marriage, please share!
isn’t it interesting how intelligent kids are – Lucian’s simple comments get us all thinking about how important marriage is despite the hard work and that it is truly a blessing from God.
I think all of us who are married can agree it takes work. People expect for things to be like they are in the beginning, or when you were dating, forever and as soon as that is gone, so are they. My husband and I met in high school, have been together for 18 years, married for 16 and have a 16 year old daughter. Yep, we did things backwards. We were neither one supposed to ever have kids so when I got pregnant when hubby was a senior in high school and I was a freshman in college, we got married before we planned. We haven’t been able to have any more children but we are happier and love each other more daily. We have all three grown up together and are incredibly close. I have no idea what it takes for other people, I don’t think anyone does. You don’t ever know what will come out of a situation when you put two people with different personalities and thoughts in a house. Lol. Divorce runs rampant in our families. We have actually discussed it ourselves before, in the very beginning when things were really hard. We pushed past that for our daughter and couldn’t be happier today. She will graduate high school in two years and we will rescue stray dogs and travel together until we’re too old and gray (well, hubby is already quite a bit gray and he will tell you that’s my fault, lol), to do it anymore.
Good luck to you all and God bless,
Leah